Today I am filled with mixed emotions. I feel blessed, I will hopeful and mostly I feel ashamed. Ashamed? you might ask. Yes I feel ashamed, I feel ashamed that I have been so busy and focused on other things going on in life that I have not spent time with God. Yes, I still pray at every meal and I pray here and there during the day when I have something or someone on my mind, but since I do not have a 15 minute commute to work anymore I do not have that quiet time of prayer and conversation with God and it seems that God has slowly slipped into the background of my life and this really depresses me. I actually find myself tearing up while writing this post since He has done so much for me and my family. Secondly, I have not spent time reading God's word in a while. It makes me feel ashamed and sad. Since I woke up at 5:00 this morning I have had this on my mind.
It is easy for me to justify it by saying "I just don't have time", "I don't know where to start", "I will do it tomorrow", or even "God will reveal to me when I need to do this" and it makes me wonder how many others are saying these same things. These are not acceptable for me. It is not that I don't have time, it is that I don't make time and God is letting me know that this morning. I sit here with a heavy heart and think about how I am a deacon and I should be a setting an example for others. I think about the mornings that I go running, the golf that I play, the TV I watch, The internet I surf, but I can't spend time with God?!?!? This causes me to feel another emotion of anger. Anger within myself. Am I really this selfish? Am I really this idiotic? I would rather watch TV then spend time with my Father? Unacceptable, Unacceptable in every form and fashion.
So, as most people know I like a plan. Here it is:
Since I go home for lunch everyday, I am going to spend that time praying and reading my Bible instead of watching TV. I am going to start small and work up. I feel like an hour is a pretty good start. The other thing I am going to do is before I go on my morning runs I am going to take a moment and pray before I go run. I think that for all of the things he has done for me I can spare a moment to do this and I really should be praying for a safe run before I go anyways since I am running in Macon in the dark on a road early in the morning (that reflective vest can only take me so far).
I also have a few other exciting things in the works, but I am not going to spill the beans just yet on those projects. More to come very soon.
Sorry for my rant, but if God has something to say I am not going to stand in the way. Maybe you are feeling the same way that I do. Maybe this post was meant to touch someone else.
No comments:
Post a Comment