at the bottom looking up

Well I have heard that in order for someone to change they must hit rock bottom and realize that they have no choice but to change..... last night was my rock bottom. No I am not recovering from some addiction or disease, well now that I think about it maybe I am in a way, I am FAT. Yes I know that when most people say that they are just saying it and are wanting the response "You are not fat". That's not what I want. I digress, Last night the wifey, Joey and I spent some time together, I have found lately that I have been having a ton of pain in my back, and hips, also my knees are hurting from time to time, this pain has been limiting me such as it hurts to carry Joey, or even worse put her in her carseat - this is strike one - The only thing is can determine is the extra weight I am carrying around. I don't think my body likes it. I know I sure don't.

Next, we went to Academy and I was looking for some new boots - this was strike two - I could not bend over far enough to pull the boots up and breathe at the same time, for most people this might be "normal" but this is the first time in my life that this has happened to me. I was disgusted, felt a little depressed, but a pushed on. 

After Academy, we went to eat (we all have to do it) and walked around the mall. I found myself breathing hard just walking, WALKING?? really?? I ran a marathon a few years ago and now I can't walk??? That was strike three.

As many of you already know, 3 strikes and you are out, but I think of this as tee-ball or something since the coach let me try again. 

On the way home I began to realize that I was having a hard time just breathing while sitting in the car. Not in a painful way like having a heart attack or something like that, just pressure or something, It is hard to describe. i could just tell as I was breathing it was like my chest could not move because of my stomach. THATS STRIKE 4 - no more mercy. 

When we got home I began thinking about what I was going to do. I don't want Joey to grow up without her "DaDa" or my wife to have to go on without me. I need to be a good example for them both. 

I tend to be motivated by being the underdog, so I started thinking about it, I am the youngest person at the company I work for, I am also 1 of about 6 men in the company. I am totally not the most in shape of the 6. I would say I am probably teetering between 5 and 6. being the youngest I should be in pretty good shape considering I am only 27 almost 28 years old. This is pathetic - I am sick of it. 

So here I am it is 6:30 on a SATURDAY and I have already gone to the gym, yes I got up at 4:00 on a SATURDAY and went to the gym. Everyone else is still asleep including the dog. As I was walking out of my bedroom I felt good when my wife asked "what are you doing" and my reply was "going to the gym" she followed up by saying "it is Saturday" without a beat I responded " I AM JUST AS FAT ON SATURDAY AS I AM DURING THE WEEK" (no I didn't scream this at her I just put it in caps because I thought it was well played HAHA)

I am setting out to change, I want to change, I need to change, I MUST CHANGE.

Wow that was crazy

Well it is 2014 and I am glad to say that I am glad that it is. Whew, 2013 was a long year. It included being ordained as a deacon, leaving GEICO, starting work with Securian, buying a house, getting pregnant, having a baby, spending 16 days in the month of December in the hospital. It was a heck of a year. I am thankful to say that everyone in the Brown household is doing well (finally). Since 2013 was so full of surprises and eventful I am hoping that this year will be a little more calm. I have a few goals this year that I plan on hitting and surpassing. 

1. Become closer to God and study more of his word. He makes time for me, why shouldn't I make more time for him?

2. Spend time with my family and watch my little Joey grow. She is growing like a weed and is eating like a grown man haha (she will kill me later on down the road for that comment)

3. Make sure that I show my wife how much I appreciate and cherish her on a daily basis. No matter how busy we are.

4. Get back in shape, feel good about myself and how I look. Try to be more confident. 

5. Soak up the moment, don't let

This year become a blur. Slow down and enjoy life a little bit.

6. Learn... Try to learn something new as often as possible. 

I am sure that I will come up with more but at this point this is all that I have. 

I want to thank everyone that has been there for us in 2013. The Brown family is indeed blessed and we cannot thank you enough. 

changes

It has been a while since my last post. Mainly because I have been confused, confused about my health and my training. Yes I did complete the Half Marathon in St. Augustine. No I didn't make my goal time of 2:30:00... it was actually 2:32:50.... I know you are thinking. 2 minutes and 50 seconds too slow and you are disappointed? Yes I am disappointed and concerned.. Not because I didn't make my time but because of the pain I felt afterwards, and the amount of time it took me to recover. after a week I was still hurting in my ankle and the lack of energy, and the foggy feeling I had all of the time. After doing some research I came to get the feeling that I was showing all of the signs of being anemic, which I found out happens to some vegans. So I had a decision to make: Do I try to tweak my diet or do I re-evaluate my long term goals and determine what direction to go.

After thinking about this and doing more research and sitting down and really trying to determine what I want to do, I decided that I wanted to stop living the vegan lifestyle. I decided that my long term goals are to put on muscle, get much stronger, and to shape my body and get healthy. So starting this past Tuesday I have slowly been easing back into eating meat. so after 2.5 months and 30 lbs shredded I have changed back.

WHAT IS MY PLAN??
I am going to hit the gym as hard as I can. I am going to do 20 minutes of cardio 2 times per day. I am going to eat every 3 hours. I am going to become the best that I can be. I am starting a 12 week program and I will not cheat, I will not skip a workout, and I will not falter. I want more for me and my family.

BABY BROWN UPDATE:
Baby Brown is growing and growing and growing. I am getting to the point now that I am so ready to meet the munchkin. I feel like I am being tortured, it is literally like waiting for Christmas. I feel like I have a present under the tree but I can't open it. let me rephrase that it is like have a present under the tree that you know what it is and you have wanted for a long time but you have to wait. I know it will be worth the wait.

That is all for now. I promise to keep you posted. Tonight is my first workout and it is legs day. it is going to be good!

This week was a wash.

This past week was a waste of a training week. Mainly because I DIDN'T TRAIN. I ran 1 mile all week and that was on my lunch break on Friday. I just didn't feel up to it. It was one of those weeks that you wish that you could just erase. After getting some bad news on Sunday, the week began in a downward exhausting spiral. Monday I had class until 8:30 at night, Tuesday I has a deacon's meeting, Wednesday I had church, Thursday I had Trunk-o-Treat at the church, Friday consisted of cleaning the house top to bottom since we had company coming, Saturday I played golf with friends and family, and today we have had church. so basically I have been very busy. I have not had the drive to go run. I have to get a 12 mile run in sometime at the beginning of the week and then I have another one on Saturday.

I am just not feeling motivated. Tuesday we are going to the doctor for our scheduled baby check up and we are going to be asking the doctor if it is okay for Juliet to travel to St. Augustine fl for the half marathon. I really hope we can go. I am not going to go without her. I really hope we get to go. If not I will absolutely be doing a half marathon on thanksgiving in Atlanta.

Though I have been feeling a bit down lately, we had a great church service this morning. I could feel the spirit moving at multiple times during the service I had goose bumps. I guess a big issue I am currently having is stress. I am stressed out about making sure everything is in order when baby Brown decides to make an appearance. It is difficult to streamline operation of the audio/visual team when I am used to taking care of the entire thing. I have a good friend of mine that is going to take care of it while I am gone but I just want to make sure there are no surprises for him while I am gone.  I am used to troubleshooting on the fly and I feel very comfortable with the system we use and with electronics so it is not a big deal for me to run into a snag, but he is new to all of these things and the process. I know this is God teaching me to be faithful and trust that he will take care of things. I just need to stop being stubborn and to let him take care of it. You would think that after all of this time I wouldn't work about things but every once in a while I just get caught up in trying to make things perfect. I am going to try to stop worrying about it and go read my Runner's World Magazine and relax. Have a good one.

Running again soon?

The answer is yes. Yes, my dear running watch. I know it has been a while. 7 days to be exact. YES I have been counting. I have forgotten how terrible I feel when I don't run and how it changes my entire demeanor (don't believe me? ask Juliet she can tell you how cranky I am when I don't run). If you read my last post then you know that I am/was injured. 

 

I went to the chiropractor yesterday. The chiro did an x-ray and thank goodness nothing was fractured, cracked, broken, or damaged that he could tell. He was able to tell that I was all out of alignment.

 

Before I tell you what he did, I want to start by saying, after my work at GEICO and dealing with people who see chiropractors for 3 months after a car accident in which only a mirror got knocked off, I don't have a hole lot of faith in the chiro practice and I pretty much think it is a "voodoo" type of treatment.  I went into this appointment to just make sure I wasn't broken inside my hip bone or anything. I could see by the x-ray that I was twisted to the side. I could see it in my hip, my spine and my pelvis. so the doc made me lay on the table he felt my ankles and determined my entire right side was "out of alignment" and he grabbed the ankle and nearly jerked me off of the table HAHA. he did a few other adjustments in my lower back and sent me on my way. The good thing I got out of the appointment was that I not only could run, but that I MUST run. They want me to test it out and come back next week. So that means my long run is on for tonight. 10 miles - I can't wait. it is a good thing because the half marathon is 22 days: 23 hours: and 31 minutes away.

 

BABY BROWN

The munchkin is doing well. Mama Brown is tired but moving along. The room is painted. I have begun to put the doors back on the closets in the room. We are planning on an IKEA trip in the morning to have some time to ourselves shopping for the baby stuff. I have no idea what Mama Brown is wanting to get for the room there so it will be exciting.

 

THE GREAT REVEAL

This week God has shown me that apparently he wants me to be a "handy man" haha. when we bought our house they had just put in a new A/C and Gas furnace.  Well the A/C has been working all summer but the heat has never been turned on. I decided this week it would probably be wise to test it since the weather is getting cold here. It didn't cut on - Worst feeling ever. I know nothing about furnaces, or heating units other than where the thing is under the house. I only know that because I have had to go under the house a million times since we bought the house to run cables, or water lines, etc. Well somehow I managed to get the thing running. It appears the gas was turned off. so I turned it on and sat and smelled to make sure no gas was leaking out or anything and we were good to go. I also stopped a leaking shower this week by replacing the washer in the handle.  It amazes me how God has given me the knowledge, the resources, and the understanding to handle issues or improvements in the house.

WEIGH IN
I weighed this morning. I am officially 22 pounds lighter than I was 2 months ago. 238 pounds. It is weird to me when I thought before I still have 40 pounds to go it seemed like such a big thing but 38 pounds is no big deal. If I lose 13 more pounds I will be at my 1st marathon weight but that isn't enough.

So, why am I doing all of this?
This seems to be the question on everyone's mind. Why do you want to run that far? why did you give up meat? Why are you so worried about your health now?

The reason is: The Munchkin, and Juliet. I want this baby to see that being active and healthy is the way to be. The world is full of health issues, and just in my side of the family diabetes, heart disease, strokes, thyroid problems, cancer, degenerative back disease, etc run rampant. I run because to me every step that I take lowers the chance of me dealing with these issues. I also don't want to have a son or daughter that sits in the house and plays video games non-stop. The other reason I run is because it clears my mind, it makes me mentally tough, and it gives me time to think and pray about the things I care about and the decisions I am making. Yes, I know running 10 miles on a Friday night or Saturday morning is not most people's idea of a good time, but to me that is my time. My time to release the stress of the week, to push myself to the limits, and to get a grasp on where I am going to go in my life. I dare you to try it.

 

WORRIED

As I sit in my chair I am feeling a great amount of pain in my hip joint. Not on the outside but it seems to be inside the joint. This injury seems to be one that haunts me. It came up during my Marathon and is one in which ended my running in the past. So far on my "comeback tour" it has been a hit-or-miss pain. Some days I run and I feel nothing, and then somedays like today I don't do anything yet the pain shoots all of the way down my right leg. I am beginning to be concerned. I am going to take a few days off this week, do some work on the bike and possibly do a short run on Saturday morning instead of the 11 miles on the schedule. It is too early in the week to decide that but I am going to keep it in the back of my mind. I am going to listen to my body. I have a half marathon in 27 days 14 hours and 54 minutes and I cannot afford to be injured. I am also thinking that I am going to make an appointment with a doctor to see about it. I just don't want to run through the pain and end up seriously injuring myself. I just hope that this injury doesn't stop my marathon goal in January.

On a more positive and happy note I got on the scale this morning and I am down to 240 lbs. I have officially lost 20 pounds in a month and a half. I was shocked when I discovered that I lost 2 pounds this week. I found myself telling Juliet today that I am not planning on eating meat ever again. WHAT?!?! I can't believe that I am considering never eating meat again. It is weird. We are about to be in a time where the real test is going to occur - THANKSGIVING. No turkey, no dressing, no ham, no macaroni and cheese, etc.... this is going to be intense. but I am just going to focus on the fact that I have been down that road, I know where it leads. It leads to 260 lbs. Now that I think about it It will not be that big of a deal haha.

Please throw a prayer out for me and the hip pain. I have to do what is best for me but my goals are out there and I want to reach them.

WELCOME BACK MR BROWN

WOW... it has been a while. I have so much to say and update. I guess that is why I haven't posted in a while. I have been crazy busy.

My Training:

I have been training like crazy. The Saturday before last I had 7 miles. I can honestly say that was probably the best long run I have ever had. I felt so good afterwards. I say that because I have been trying to deal with the injury that has seemed to haunt me on and off since my marathon. A pain in my hip. It feels like my hip is trying to pop out of place but only when I walk. When I run I feel pretty good and have very little pain. I told Juliet that that tells me that I should never walk and just run around all of the time. SHE DISAGREES. I actually shocked myself after that 7 miler when I did some stretching hoping that I would avoid the hip pain and I realized that I have NEVER stretched after a run. I mean NEVER. One would think that with all of the miles I have run over the years I would have thought this was a good idea. I guess not. Now that I have revealed how much of a dummy I am I will continue on. The 7 miles was great. In the past I stuck to eating gummy bears as fuel during my runs partially because I love gummy bears and partially because it was easy, but during this long run I tried out a 'GU' for those of you who do not know what GU is, think of it as pure fuel. the GU website says

What's in it?

• Carbohydrates - GU provides athletes with a dose of 100 calories in the form of 70-80% maltodextrin and 30-20% fructose (The ratio depends upon the flavor.). Why the mix? It’s a complex carbohydrate, and studies have shown that some complex carbs are actually digested faster than simple sugars like table sugar and honey.
• Amino Acid Blend - GU features a unique blend of amino acids to combat muscle fatigue, accelerate the conversion of carbohydrates into usable energy, and maintain mental focus.
• Electrolytes - Sodium and potassium to replenish what is lost during strenuous activity.
• Caffeine - Some GU flavors are caffeinated while others are not. We add caffeine for two reasons: It acts as a stimulant and it lowers the perceived effort.

I have tried it in the past and I was disgusted, but after hearing some positive things from a few people and doing some research I decided to get this one. It was DELICIOUS. Most people know I do not like sweets but I love caramel and I love salty things. So after that 7 miler Juliet and I went to Academy Sports (the only place I could find them) and bought the entire box on the shelf. 17 packets.  My new go to for fueling. I feel like if I am going to get up on Saturday mornings to run, I should have a treat to go along with it. 

This past Saturday I completed a 8 mile run. It was harder because I was running on only 6 hours of sleep and a bean burrito for dinner the night before (bad choice), but I finished the run and moved on with my day.
  
Now that I have talked about how great my running is going. I have to say I am injured in the worst possible place, my right heel. Last night at church the class I help with went out to the play ground and I got drug into a game of basketball with the boys. The ground is dirt and has rocks, and roots, and bark on it. I was in my work shoes that have no padding and I stepped on a rock in my heel. I am regretting it now. I hope it is better by Saturday because I have a 9 mile run on the schedule.

BABY BROWN/NURSERY UPDATE

The Nursery is almost done. On Monday I painted the ceiling and the crown molding I also used some wood filler on the joints of the other wood in the room and I sanded it down. Luckily some of our family is coming in tonight and is going to paint tomorrow while we are at work. That is awesome because I am running on fumes at this point. We ran into some snags on the way but I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is about time because the baby shower is in 3 weeks.

The 'Munchkin' as we have decided to call it seems to be growing like a weed. It is funny to see that Juliet has a 'Mommy Belly' but is not changing in any other way. She is so beautiful and I find myself just watching her sometimes it is strange to be able to sit beside a miracle being performed.  

That leads me to the next portion of this post

THE GREAT REVEAL

Being in the house with a pregnant wife is mind blowing, when I think about the fact that she is forming a human being at this very moment it reminds me how blessed I am. I know personally when I hear about Jesus performing miracles I think sometimes "could you imagine being there to see Him heal the sick or raise the dead?" How could anyone doubt God's presence? look around, pregnant women are everywhere haha. I have no doubt that God performs miracles on a daily, heck maybe even hourly basis. I would consider myself a logical person, Juliet is the emotional one in the family. So when we make decisions it tends to be Juliet that becomes emotionally invested and finds the meaning in things and I look at the different angles to see if it is a smart decision or not or if it makes sense logically. Being a logical person tends to keep me disconnected and unattached to most things. So not too long ago I began praying and asking God to soften my heart and allow me to be a little more emotional and not so logical, and then Munchkin came on the scene. I am astounded how God answers my prayers, It also makes me be careful about what I pray for LOL. God has made me more soft hearted has opened my eyes. I can say without a doubt that I would do anything no matter what for Juliet and Munchkin. GOD DOES ANSWER PRAYERS.