GET IT TOGETHER MR. BROWN

Today I am filled with mixed emotions. I feel blessed, I will hopeful and mostly I feel ashamed. Ashamed? you might ask. Yes I feel ashamed, I feel ashamed that I have been so busy and focused on other things going on in life that I have not spent time with God. Yes, I still pray at every meal and I pray here and there during the day when I have something or someone on my mind, but since I do not have a 15 minute commute to work anymore I do not have that quiet time of prayer and conversation with God and it seems that God has slowly slipped into the background of my life and this really depresses me. I actually find myself tearing up while writing this post since He has done so much for me and my family. Secondly, I have not spent time reading God's word in a while. It makes me feel ashamed and sad. Since I woke up at 5:00 this morning I have had this on my mind.

It is easy for me to justify it by saying "I just don't have time", "I don't know where to start", "I will do it tomorrow", or even "God will reveal to me when I need to do this" and it makes me wonder how many others are saying these same things. These are not acceptable for me. It is not that I don't have time, it is that I don't make time and God is letting me know that this morning. I sit here with a heavy heart and think about how I am a deacon and I should be a setting an example for others. I think about the mornings that I go running, the golf that I play, the TV I watch, The internet I surf, but I can't spend time with God?!?!? This causes me to feel another emotion of anger. Anger within myself. Am I really this selfish? Am I really this idiotic? I would rather watch TV then spend time with my Father? Unacceptable, Unacceptable in every form and fashion.

So, as most people know I like a plan. Here it is:

Since I go home for lunch everyday, I am going to spend that time praying and reading my Bible instead of watching TV. I am going to start small and work up. I feel like an hour is a pretty good start. The other thing I am going to do is before I go on my morning runs I am going to take a moment and pray before I go run. I think that for all of the things he has done for me I can spare a moment to do this and I really should be praying for a safe run before I go anyways since I am running in Macon in the dark on a road early in the morning (that reflective vest can only take me so far).

I also have a few other exciting things in the works, but I am not going to spill the beans just yet on those projects. More to come very soon.

Sorry for my rant, but if God has something to say I am not going to stand in the way. Maybe you are feeling the same way that I do. Maybe this post was meant to touch someone else.

Lets run

On Saturday morning I got up early since I had a 5k race that I signed up for even though I had been sick all week (I am goofy I know). I only did this because I have a half marathon to run in on November 17th and I know that race is not going to care if I was sick or not.

So I got to the race and realized that this was the smallest race I have ever run in. literally only 15 people were involved. That should have been a clue as to how this race would be, but it wasn't. the thing about large races is that you can pace yourself. You don't get mentally psyched out by seeing other people ahead of you because there are also people beside you and behind you. with a race size of 15 everyone is in a clump for most of the race. I ran to fast at the beginning doing about a 9 minute mile as apposed to my normal lately of 11:45 min/mile. Along with the sinus infection mixed with the beginning of bronchitis (as described by a doctor on wed) I was headed for disaster. I went out too fast got winded and worn out early and ended up walking pieces of it. I barely had enough energy left to do my signature run to the finish the moment I can see it. but I finished in 34:14. Not bad but my PR is 30:00 which was 2 years and 15 pounds ago. 

 

After the race a went home and immediately began working on the nursery. A good friend of mine, Ed, was coming over at 12 to help me with the crown molding since all I seem to be able to do is stand there, look at the unfinished pieces and scratch my head. Before Ed got there I was able to get the quarter round put down in the room and get everything set up for doing the crown molding. around 12 Ed got to the house and we knocked the crown molding out and then he left. It to about 2 and a half hours. after he left I got out the caulk and caulked the nail holes and the seams that I had not done previously, I also changed all 8 of the outlets in the room since the previous owners pained them green. Now all I have left to do is figure out what kind of light fixture we want in there and hang it, Paint the ceiling, and put a second coat of paint on the walls. It is starting to come together.

It is hard to believe that I did most of this work myself.

 

 

THE GREAT REVEAL

On Sunday night at church we did not have the usual evening service. We had time to say thank you to someone who has been an inspiration to us, even if they weren't in the room. All I could think about was my grandfather who has been there to be a role model to me since I was young. If you want to know why I am so goofy then hang out with him for 5 minutes. I began to think of the different moments that stood out in my life with him, from the times in pre-k that got me titled by my mom as the "pre-k drop out" my grandfather would take me to school and I would cry and hold his leg until he would put me back in the truck and let me go around with him all day (Mama didn't get told until later) or the fact that I would eat whatever he would eat and I had high cholesterol at 5. I also remember the time that he was getting on to me for something and we were having a conversation and I punched him in the nose. This is when the infamous "jap slapping" occurred, He felt terrible afterwards. Things that come to mind from my older years are the wedding he performed for my wife and I, or the deacon ordination service he did for me. Though I did not go into the details during the service it has been on my mind since then. He has always been a role model for me and has always shown me that God is the way. It is amazing to me how God places people in your life, in your path, or in your "way" to get you to where you are now. I know without my parents, my friends, my family, and my wife I would not be where I am now.

 

UPDATE: I forgot to mention my training run this morning. I only ran one mile but It felt easier than before, It also was much faster that previous weeks. I feel like I am slowly getting back into it and as long as I can stay healthy I will be good to go.
On a side note:

I have made it to 13 pounds lost. Down to 247 lbs.

Rough Week

I am thankful that this week has happened so early in the training process. I have not been able to run all week due to what has been determined to be a "severe sinus infection" along with the beginnings of Bronchitis. I have been put on 10 days of antibiotics and cough syrup. It has been a rough one in the Brown house this week because the wife has the same junk. she got some antibiotics on Tuesday so she is feeling a little better than me. I am running in a 5K on Saturday morning so I hope to feel up to running. Next Saturday I am running in a 10k to help with my training and the long runs. I plan on getting a large amount done in the nursery this weekend. I think I will go ahead and put down the quarter round, and change the sockets out. Tomorrow night (exciting Friday night)... and maybe I can get the crown molding finished on Saturday. I have to get to work because time is flying by and it is only picking up speed. We got our first real baby item last night in the mail. A free car seat canopy. It really made this feel real. I am so excited. It is going to be wonderful to meet this little munchkin in a few months. I think we will be ordering our furniture very soon for the baby's room and it is going to be amazing to see the room come together.

That's all for now, I am trying to stay awake after taking my cough syrup with hydrocodone (however you spell it) which is really getting to me.

Oh no

Today is a post to inform everyone of the status of training.

Saturday morning I got up at 5:15 and did 3 miles. It was great because I had negative splits each mile and I had a decent time overall, but the big plus was that I felt great afterwards.I even played 18 holes of golf after and shoot the best I ever have.I felt great.

I planned to get up and go do a quick mile this morning before work as my training plan is set up for. It didn't happen when I woke up I was freezing and my throat is killing me. I don't think I have a fever or anything but I do have a killer site throat.I am sitting here in my office at work freezing. I guess all of these changes are catching up with me and my body is mad but it will have to get over it because I am not going to give up. I have class tonight but I am debating not going. I'm thinking about going home after work  taking some Nyquil and getting in the bed. I have to get well because I have many miles to cover before November 17th.

On the bright side I have lost a total of 12 pounds now.I am down to 248. I would really love to be down around 225 before the half marathon but I am not going to kill myself trying to do it.

Nursery update
I have a good friend of mine coming over tomorrow night to help me with the crown molding in the nursery. If I can get that part done I will have a huge load lifted off of me because the rest is easy. We shall see.

I know it is only Monday but I am looking forward to this weekend of staying at home. Going to rockmart like we did last weekend wears me out so much.

I have a 4 mile run planned Saturday morning but I may bump it up to 5 miles because I am running in a 10k the next weekend and I want to be prepared.

Other than that not much is going on. I wasn't feeling well this morning so I didn't get to eat breakfast. I had my coffee thinking it would easy my sore throat. No luck. I also had one of those emergen-c packets to help me feel better.

I will keep you posted

Long Run

I have made it 3 days without my post even though I have been really wanting to report everything. my running is going great. I am so excited about my long run tomorrow even though it is only 3 miles. I find myself thinking about running all of the time, looking forward to the next run and that 5:15 am wake up. It has been a while since I have been that way. I will have to say that I am sleeping better now that I am doing this. My 3 mile run tomorrow will be in Rockmart and I am still trying to decide how I am going to do it because I am going to be getting up early to go since I am playing golf with my grandfather early.

 

THE MUNCHIES

I am at the point now that I do not even really have to think about what I can eat and what I cannot. I don't miss meat, I don't miss dairy. My favorite meal is from Taki, the Vegetable Hibachi. It is delicious. I told Juliet yesterday that I could eat it for every meal. Her response was " I will learn to cook it" I am so lucky to have her in my life.  

BABY BROWN 
It is like clockwork every time Juliet lays down for bed the baby starts having a dance party. It is amazing to watch. The baby is getting big enough now that you can watch the little bumps on the mommy belly. I am more amazed every time. I haven't met this little one yet but I can't wait until I do.  

 

THE BROWN'S NEST

Things have been on hold this week for the house. we had an ant invasion yesterday in the bedroom. I am going to have to really deal with this soon. I have a feeling that this means pulling up all of the baseboards in the house and sealing everything up with caulk or foam. It is going to be a ton of work, but I have to get everything taken care of. This of course is on hold until after the nursery gets completed.

 

THE GREAT REVEAL
 Today I am feeling just how blessed I am to have Juliet in my life. She is going to be a great mother. She is a better wife that I can even explain. She takes care of me. She makes me a better person, and pushes me to succeed in anything I do (even if I don't want to).  She believes in me in times I do not. yesterday I sent her a message advising I knew  what I want for my birthday in January, To run another marathon. Yes I know this is crazy and I am out of my mind, but apparently she didn't think so. She has already told someone I was running it. Haha. I'm glad I was serious and not messing with her. All I know is that God has blessed me and I know I am not worthy.

 

A quick note

This is going to be a short post. Not formatted like the others. I just have some updates to throw out. First of all - I have hit the 10 pound mark. I can't believe that I have lost that much weight so quickly. It appears that my body is bouncing back and it is a weight burning machine. I got up at 5:15 this morning and did a 1 mile run. It was a very slow run, but I want to ease back into this to avoid injury. It was very peaceful running in the dark this morning all alone.  Last night we decided that the half marathon I am going to do is going to be in St Augustine FL on November 17 at 7:00 am. It is the only one that is feasible at this point due to the constraints (not too early, not too far away, etc...) I don't think that I have ever been there so it will be exciting. It will also be a chance for the Brown's to get away and spend some time together before the baby arrives.

How I am going to succeed:

1. Be prepared - I am going to get everything ready for my run the night before to eliminate wasting time looking for things. I will wear my running shirt and shorts to sleep in, plug my watch and phone up the night before. No excuses

2. Start Slow - Last time I jumped into running I ended up injuring myself, and made running no fun. Though I am stubborn I am going to force myself to just focus on getting the miles under me instead of time. The time will come naturally as I become in better shape.

3. Focus - It is time to get everything in order, I am cutting my golf back to once a week to allow me to get other things done. At this point I have a full schedule after work everyday, Monday - Class until 8:00, Tuesday - Golf, Wednesday - Church, Thursday - Golf, Friday- House Work. It is just too much. I am hoping that if I cut back a day of golf I can do other things on that day and free up the weekend a little bit. I have to see the start line before I can see the finish.

4. Be dedicated - I have a plan, I must stick to it, rain or shine ( I would imagine at 5:15am I wont see any shine) I know there are times in which I am going to want to lay in the bed and get that extra 45 minutes of sleep, but really it is ONLY 45 minutes. Saturdays will be the hard ones for me, but if I get up early think how much I can get done during the day.

5. Pay Attention - Pay attention to my body, if I need to slow down during a run, slow down. If I have pain fix it. Pay attention to my surroundings. I am running in the dark in Macon most people would probably cringe at the thought, but I feel like as long as I pay attention to what is around me I will be okay. Juliet made me go buy a reflective vest last night on my way to class so that makes me feel better.

CHANGE IN PLANS

THE MUNCHIES
This week has been much easier. I have found I can eat a lot of different things. Juliet actually made me spaghetti last night... don't worry NO MEAT. She replaced the meat in mine with black beans. It was actually pretty good. I was surprised honestly. I have come to realize that bean burritos are my friend. Juliet loves to go eat mexican food. So I have been getting two bean burritos and today I added rice. I actually enjoyed it. My other love I have found is Hummus with Pita Bread. My Running has still been on hold due to LIFE.. I have made the decision that I cannot do my running in the afternoon due to me being so busy (school, work, golf, house work, church, etc...) Today Juliet and I were talking to someone at church and they asked about my half marathon I had planned for november 9... I just hung my head and said I don't think I am going to be able to do it.... Juliet asked me a little later if I was really not going to do it... I can't give up... so we decided after looking at the cost of the race I had planned and the Hotels being crazy expensive that I will do a different one. I call her my manager, since she has selected every race I have done except for 1.. and that 1 that I selected for myself ended up being a trail race half marathon that almost killed me.... no trail races for me. So we are going to look into it to figure it out tonight.... I also have decided to begin doing my running in the mornings before work since It is cooler and I do not have any excuses other than "i'm tired"(I will get over that one. More to come....


BABY BROWN

The baby is moving and kicking all of the time these days. it is so amazing to me to feel it hit my hand. it really blows my mind that my baby is so close to me. the only thing that separates us is what I refer to as "The Mommy Belly." I hope the world is ready for a little one to be here because I know mommy and daddy are ready. On another note I am one step closer or should I say one board closer to finishing the nursery. I was able to get one corner finished the other day and then I cut 2 or 3 pieces wrong after so I stopped. but at least that one is right...

THE BROWN'S NEST
the "gate" I talked about last week is more of an actual gate. My uncle, who is a miracle worker with metal, came and we actually got it to sit straight, made it so I could lock it with a padlock and made it swing freely. I also realized that I can cut my grass with this new lawnmower in about 20 minutes. I was able to do it during halftime of the UGA game yesterday. haha. Even though I wanted them to lose at least I was productive during half time.

THE GREAT REVEAL
Today I participated in my 1st Lord's Supper as a Deacon. Yes, I was ordained as a deacon in March and we have had a few since then, but somehow I was out of town on every occasion. So it felt good to finally be able to serve my church and to take part in this great service. During the service I began to really think about the representation, and everything that God has done for me and the blessings he pours out on me and my family even though I do not deserve it. I guess I should have thought about this before and I am sure that I have, but I find myself usually doing the powerpoint or the sound board and being busy during it. Today, I keep getting the feeling that God has something in the works he is about to reveal to me. I am not sure what or why but I am open and ready. God has given me skills and abilities and I intend on using them for whatever he has planned since they belong to him anyway. Please pray for me and my family, that I will be opened to whatever it is that God is going to have me to do and I will follow in which ever direction he wants me to go.

Week 1 Wrap Up

I have decided that in each post I am going to attempt to include my eating/running,  my family's progress,  house updates,  and something God has shown me lately.

 

THE MUNCHIES

After a week of the new diet I have been feeling tired.  I have found that I am not eating enough. I am going to work on this.  I have been sleeping better until last night.  This morning has been a struggle but I am sticking in there.  Juliet has really been helping me to succeed in this new lifestyle. She has taken me to the grocery store and we picked up some different things,  and she has probably done more research than I have. I seem to be losing weight so that is good.  I have gone from 260 to 254 overall. That is still way too high but I am happy with the progress. I also know that most of the weight is probably water weight and is going to be easy to lose at first.

My running has been on hold since. Last week because the family was in town and I wanted to spend time with them but I plan on starting again today.

 

BABY BROWN

Juliet has been very tired this past week/weekend I have been trying to do as much as possible so she is able to rest.  Friday I sent her to get a pedicure while I cleaned the house.  I have felt the baby kick a few times and it is amazing. It blows my Mind that I am being  blessed with this miracle. I know people have babies all the time but to me it still makes me feel special that I am starting my own family.

 

Nursery update
I am still in the process of completing the nursery. It looks awesome.  The crown molding has been a nightmare, but I found a video tutorial this morning that I think will solve the problem.

 

 

 

 

Things remaining on the nursery:

• Crown molding
• Quarter round
• Second coat of paint
• Change Receptacles
• New light fixtures

 

THE BROWN'S NEST

Yesterday I had my new riding lawnmower delivered. The funny thing about it was that I was not able to get it from the front yard to the bank. The key word there is "was".  I purchased a angle grinder and created a new "gate" (see photo below)  and solved the problem.  I still have some work to do like a lock and a smooth open on it but it works for the time being.

 

 

THE GREAT REVEAL
This weekend I was playing golf with my dad and we began talking about church and such and we came to the topic of tithing.
we talked about how It Is amazing that if you tithe faithfully God will bless more than you can imagine. It made me think how great God is and how he takes care of my family. It seems backwards if you don't know first hand.  It seems like if you give more the less you will have (economics 101) 1-1=0 but in reality God's blessings are more like 1-1=1000.  This made me think about where I have been and how my life has changed. God has always been there for me even when I wasn't following him. I just wish I would have realized it earlier in life. As many of you know I went to Auburn University and earned a Bachelors in Industrial Design. I graduated and was not able to find a job in that field, so I obtained a position at GEICO. I was extremely bitter that I did not find a job with my degree and found myself being miserable pretty much all of the time, but while I was at work I tried to keep on a happy face and to work as hard as I could to keep those around me happy and in a positive mood. On the inside I was miserable and nobody knew it better than my wife who almost on a weekly basis got to experience my mental breakdowns, along with the depression that I was going through. I tried everything to change what was going on, I filled my life with distractions, Running, Eating, Monster Energy Drinks(haha) etc... but I could never cheer up. I applied for so many jobs that it wasn't even funny anything from design jobs to an installation tech for a satellite company and do you believe I did not get a single call back?? This just made me even more angry. My wife even told me that she felt like I had lost all of the joy in my life and that it made her sad that I was no longer the joking, immature guy who always had a smile on his face and a pep in his step. Then it happened. I was on my way to work one morning and I decided that I couldn't make anything happen. This next part probably sounds cheesy, but it actually happened. I began to pray and I gave it to God. I told God that I couldn't do it alone, that I tried to make a change and to get out of my current situation. I also apologized for being selfish and ungrateful for all of the things he had given me (my wife, my family, a job that put food on the table, a roof over my head,etc...) and it told God that I was putting it in his hands and that I knew that he was going to take care of me when the time was right and for some reason he had me there and I would do whatever it is that he wanted me to do. I prayed this for weeks. Every morning I took time to thank him for everything he was doing in my life and to tell him once again that I could not do it without him and amazingly things began to turn around. No I didn't get a new job immediately, I didn't win a million dollars, I didn't come across a lost treasure somewhere. All that happened was "Nothing". My job got better and I finally got caught up (I had been behind for 4 months) my attitude began to change and I felt content and happy with what was going on. It took me a while to say anything to Juliet about what I was doing every morning on the way to work because I wasn't doing it for her, I was doing it for me. When I finally did tell her she acted as though she already knew. She said that she knew something was going on because she saw more of the "old me" coming around here and there. I had worked in my job unhappy for about 2 years with no change in sight and in a matter of 2 months things began to change. I told Juliet one day that I wanted to get God back as the foundation of my life again instead of him being on the sidelines.

 

The next part is the miracle. Can you believe that once I decided this I was asked not long after to become a Deacon at my church? I got a programming job without having a degree in it, and I am making more money? I have been blessed with a home to share with my beautiful wife, and now I have a baby on the way? Let someone try to tell me that God doesn't exist or that he doesn't answer prayers. God just had to take a stubborn old mule like me - put my entire life on hold, and bring me to my knees before I would look up and focus on what was important, HIM.

 

On a side note: I was shown later a small glimpse of God's plan when I found out that even though I was miserable I gave hope and I kept a coworker of mine going during a time that she was struggling. It is amazing to me that God always has a plan and I was there for a reason. 

 

I am sorry this post is so long, I promise that I will make them shorter in the future. I just felt led to post my story this morning.